life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
