All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
