also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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