I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize