I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
