i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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