I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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