My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize