all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
