i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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