But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
