Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have fence marks all over my body
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
