so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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