they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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