Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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