Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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