Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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