i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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