i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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