we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
