i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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