nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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