You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
