Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
