hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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