Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
