these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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