I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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