You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
