WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they're like a gay fantastic four
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
