Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
