Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
