im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
