I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
