We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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