Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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