you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
