she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they're like a gay fantastic four
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
