Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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