Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
