3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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