Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
