i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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