if you like me you must not know who I am
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
