I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
