she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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