we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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