there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
