Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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