i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
