So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
