Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
