I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
