ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
