there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
