meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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