It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
